### Local Overachiever Blindfolds Himself to Add Yet Another Guinness World Record
Idaho Falls, ID – In a dazzling display of dedication and *totally normal* skills, local resident Chad “The Record King” Thompson managed to snag yet another Guinness World Record by dribbling a basketball for over an hour while blindfolded. Because, obviously, breaking records is the new Olympic sport, and Thompson is leading the charge—one blindfolded dribble at a time.
Thompson, who already holds an impressive collection of titles that would make a hoarder blush, reportedly decided that simply being a record holder just wasn’t enough to fill the existential void. “I thought to myself, ‘What can I do to impress the other five people in my living room?’” Thompson explained, shrugging off concerns about working on more traditional hobbies like, say, making friends or enjoying fresh air.
Witnessing his one-man circus act in the local park, you couldn’t help but admire his dedication. With a standard rubber basketball in hand and his vision snuffed by a fashionably oversized blindfold, he bounced that ball like a well-paid NBA star attempting to break three records before lunch. “Why would you blindfold yourself to juggle a basketball?” asked neighbor Jane Cooper, who didn’t really ask but yelled it from her porch while on her third glass of sweet tea. “Did he get bored with Netflix or what?”
The most astonishing part of this farcical feat? While dribbling for 60 minutes straight, he somehow managed to miraculously avoid knocking into any other pedestrians, dogs, or skateboarders, cementing his place not just as a record holder but possibly also as some sort of blindfolded Moses leading a new generation of lost souls through the valley of absurdity.
Local sports commentator Bob Jenkins was there to chronicle the event live, stating, “This is a milestone moment! I can’t name another person who has dribbled a ball while blindfolded for over an hour! And I’m actively avoiding thinking about why this is celebrated.” The local news station, unable to resist turning this gym-class-level achievement into a primetime segment, devoted an entire five-minute piece to the daring escapade. It’s clear Idaho has its priorities straight.
Thompson had previously held titles in such mind-boggling categories as “Most Chili Eaten in One Sitting” and “Most Fried Pancakes Balanced on the Head While Reciting the Alphabet Backward”—which admittedly only serve to build a resume suggesting he might have more free time than the average adult. “I’ve always been a visionary,” said Thompson, either unaware or unfazed by the fact that many people’s visions include things like career goals, travel plans, or actually participating in life, not merely observing it through a haze of distracted dribbling.
His latest record-breaking attempt has not only inspired small gatherings of Idaho residents but has also convinced parents everywhere that they might need to find a better use for their children’s time. “Forget the education budget; let’s invest in basketballs and blindfolds instead!” exclaimed Chad’s mother, who we now suspect is also a distant relative of various circus performers.
As Thompson prepares to attempt his next feat—the most consecutive hours pretending he can cook without catching anything on fire—Idaho continues to bask in the glory of its beloved record-holder. Because clearly, when it comes to accomplishing extraordinary things, who needs untainted vision?
