Local Man Wins Lottery, Somehow Remains Unimpressed
In a stunning display of indifference, a Rhode Island man who won a cool $1 million earlier this year in the Mega Millions lottery appears to be completely unfazed by his unexpected windfall.
The man, whose name has not been released by lottery officials, apparently purchased the winning ticket way back in February, but only recently realized that it was worth a million bucks. Most people would be jumping for joy at this news, but this guy? Not so much.
“I mean, it’s alright, I guess,” the man said when asked about his newfound riches. “It’s not like it’s going to change my life or anything.”
The man reportedly only buys lottery tickets on a whim, and didn’t even remember purchasing the winning ticket until he checked the numbers online several months later. He said he plans to use the money to pay off some bills and maybe take a vacation, but reiterated that it’s not going to make a huge difference in his life.
“Maybe I’ll splurge on a fancy steak dinner or something,” he said, shrugging. “But I’m not going to quit my job and move to the Bahamas or anything crazy like that.”
It’s unclear whether the man’s blasé attitude toward suddenly becoming a millionaire is a result of his Rhode Island roots, or if he’s just an unusually stoic person in general. Either way, lottery officials say they’re a bit disappointed that the man doesn’t seem more excited about his win.
“We were really hoping he’d be more enthusiastic,” said a spokesperson for the Rhode Island lottery. “I mean, come on, it’s a million dollars! You’d think he’d at least crack a smile or something.”
Despite the man’s lackluster reaction to his win, other Rhode Island residents are apparently feeling the lottery fever. Ticket sales for the Powerball and Mega Millions games have reportedly skyrocketed in the wake of the man’s win, as locals hope to score big like their unenthused neighbor.
“It’s like we’re all living vicariously through him,” said one Rhode Islander who has been buying lottery tickets every day since the man’s win was announced. “If he’s not going to get excited, the least we can do is get excited for him.”
As for the man himself, he says he’s just taking things in stride, and doesn’t plan on letting his newfound wealth change him.
“I was happy before I won the lottery, and I’m happy now,” he said. “Money isn’t everything, you know?”
So there you have it, folks. A completely unremarkable story about a man who won a million dollars and couldn’t be bothered to care. Tune in next week for more riveting news from the world of apathy and indifference.
