“Oregon’s Democratic Primary Election: It’s Not About Who You Elect, It’s About How You Flip the Coin!”
In a stunning turn of events, the Democratic Primary in Oregon was resolved with a coin flip, as state law permits. However, it seems like no one bothered to check if the person who won the flip was actually eligible to run. Genius move, Oregon!
The race was an intensively watched one, as Democratic hopefuls all vied for the opportunity to represent their party in a race against the incumbent in the general election. In a surprising twist, none of the candidates were able to garner the required minimum votes to earn the nomination outright. So, the race came down to chance.
Under state law, when a draw is called, a coin flip will determine who wins. And, lo and behold, the universe decided that the winner would be announced through a coin toss. The suspense was palpable, everyone held their breath and waited for the coin to land. Alas, it fell in favor of one of the candidates. And that candidate – who shall not be named, but you know who you are – celebrated, thinking they would be continuing forward in the race.
But then, someone at the Democratic Party actually read the law and had a realization – the winner of the coin toss wasn’t eligible to run for office. Hilarious! It’s like the punchline to a joke that writes itself.
The candidate in question had, at some point in their life, made a donation to a political candidate affiliated with the Republican Party. Oopsies. Turns out that, according to the state’s bylaws, anyone who has ever made a political donation to a member of another party is not allowed to participate in the primary race for the Democratic Party nomination. So, essentially, the flipping of the coin was just a waste of time and resources.
The chaos following this event was like something out of a comedy sketch. The winner celebrated in front of all their supporters, taking it all in, basking in their moment of glory without a care for the rules. Meanwhile, the other candidates looked on with disbelief and quickly scrambled to find a loophole or a way to contest the decision.
It’s ironic that in a democracy, the result of a primary race can be decided by chance, rather than the will of the people. And in this instance, the result of the chance event was further dismissed by a technicality. In a way, it was a fitting end to an already absurd race.
At the end of this whole debacle, the takeaway is clear. It’s not who you elect that matters, but how you flip the coin. So, if you’re thinking of running for office in Oregon, maybe skip the campaign donations and invest in a lucky charm. You might just be flipping your way to an election victory, regardless of your qualifications!
