Passengers aboard a United Airlines flight from Brisbane to Sydney were left scratching their heads (and possibly other areas) on Monday when their flight was delayed by the great escape of a sugar glider, a small flying marsupial known for its big eyes and its taste for nectar and sweet treats.
According to eyewitness reports, chaos ensued around mid-flight when the sugar glider found its way out of its travel cage and took to the skies, careening above the heads of screaming passengers and flight attendants alike. Some reports indicate that the sugar glider even attempted to join the Mile High Club, but we cannot confirm these salacious rumors at this time.
Sources say that the sugar glider had been traveling with its owner, a woman named Lara Auckland, who had stuffed the marsupial into her bra in a bid to smuggle it onto the flight. Auckland had reportedly purchased the sugar glider on a recent trip to Australia, where the small animals are considered vermin and are not allowed to be exported.
As you might imagine, the sugar glider’s escape caused quite the hullabaloo. Passengers were forced to wait on board the plane for nearly three hours while United Airlines technicians tried to coax the creature back into its cage using a variety of treats and trinkets. In the end, it was a trail of Skittles that led the sugar glider back to safety.
One passenger, who asked to remain anonymous, told reporters that the incident had left her feeling “shaken and disturbed.” “I mean, who knows where that thing could have gone,” she said. “What if it had decided to start gnawing on the wiring or something? We could have all been electrocuted in our sleep!”
Indeed, the sugar glider’s escape raises a number of troubling questions about airline safety and security. How many other passengers are smuggling small marsupials aboard planes? What other dangerous creatures might be lurking in our carry-on luggage?
At the time of this writing, United Airlines had issued a statement apologizing for the delays caused by the sugar glider’s escape. “We apologize for any inconvenience caused by this incident,” the statement read. “Our team is working diligently to ensure the safety and security of all our passengers, even the ones who insist on stuffing their bra with exotic animals.”
In conclusion, we can only hope that this incident serves as a wake-up call for airlines around the world to take a closer look at their safety protocols and crack down on bra-based smuggling. The skies may never be entirely free of sugar gliders and other airborne vermin, but we must do everything in our power to keep them contained, for the sake of our safety, our sanity, and our Skittles.
