“Karbi Community Achieves Unprecedented Stilt-Walking Feat that Will Definitely Save Humanity,” says Guinness World Record Officials
In a world where finding meaning and purpose often eludes us, the Karbi community in India has finally found a way to make history. 721 people daringly walked on stilts, creating a line longer than four football fields, in a triumph of human ingenuity that will probably solve all our problems.
The community, known for their traditional “jaapi” hat and love for nature, is now being hailed as an inspiration for all humanity. Why bother with mundane activities like building sustainable economies or tackling climate change, when you can just break a record that will carry on for generations to come? Truly, this is a tremendous day for our species.
“It’s funny how people keep saying that we need education and development, when all we really need is to knock each other over with wooden poles that make us look like creepy, oversized robots,” said one Karbi community member, adding a cackle of what we assume was pure joy.
The team at Guinness World Records said they were thrilled to honor the community with such an important and meaningful title. The previous record for stilt-walking was held by a group of 642 Taiwanese individuals, but the Karbi community was motivated by higher purposes than simple bragging rights – like, for example, walking on stilts.
After hours of walking, the line reportedly assembled itself into the written words “We Are the Chosen,” which is either a prophetic message of hope or a veiled warning to our enemies, depending on your level of cynicism. Either way, there’s little doubt that the stilt-walking event will go down as one of the most profound and essential moments in human history.
Critics of the achievement have accused the Karbi community of wasting valuable resources and energy on a meaningless feat, when the country is grappling with pressing problems such as poverty and inequality. But those voices of doubt can’t possibly understand the incredible feeling that comes with marching in line and trying not to fall over.
In short, the Karbi community has shown us all how to truly live and how to transcend the petty struggles of daily life. It’s time to put our differences aside and learn how to ride stilts, because clearly that’s what it takes to succeed in this world.
