In an inspiring news story that has left aspiring lawyers feeling completely disheartened, 17-year-old genius whiz kid, David Green, has somehow managed to pass California’s notoriously difficult bar exam and become the youngest law clerk in the state’s history.
“Wow, isn’t that just great?” said his classmates who are still struggling to make sense of their basic calculus textbooks. “I mean, why bother going out with friends or playing video games in your free time when you could be reading law books for fun instead?”
Green, who is apparently some kind of savant when it comes to legal jargon and Latin phrases, apparently spent every weekend and holiday for the past three years studying for the exam, leaving him no time to engage in the kind of reckless and irresponsible behaviour that most 17-year-olds enjoy.
“I always knew I wanted to be a lawyer,” said Green, who probably also knew how to talk by the time he was 6 months old. “I just love reading about precedent and legal theory. I’m absolutely buzzing with joy at the thought of spending the next decade working my way up the ranks of law firms while my peers are out there living life to the fullest.”
His professors, who were no doubt secretly cursing the fates that brought Green to their attention, praised the youngster’s work ethic and incredible intelligence, though they were quick to admit that his success was more than a little intimidating to those who barely made it through their own bar exams by the skin of their teeth.
“He’s a brilliant young man with a bright future ahead of him,” said one professor who secretly hates him with the fire of a thousand suns. “He’s also made me feel utterly worthless by comparison, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Green’s parents, however, were beaming with pride at their son’s accomplishment, though they did admit that they never quite understood his fascination with the Law & Order franchise or his insatiable appetite for legal briefings and academic papers.
“He’s always been a bit of an oddball,” said his father while secretly wishing he had married a lawyer instead of that yoga instructor he met at a wellness retreat. “But we’re incredibly proud of his achievements and can’t wait to see where this takes him, even if it means we spend most of our retirement years traveling to law conventions instead of relaxing on a beach somewhere.”
As for Green himself, he admitted that he was slightly apprehensive about entering the cutthroat world of litigation at such a young age, but was confident that his razor-sharp mind and keen attention to detail would help him to succeed where others had failed.
“I won’t deny that there will be challenges ahead,” he said while also thinking about the snazzy new briefcase he was going to buy himself. “But I’ve worked hard for this and I won’t let anyone stand in my way. Except maybe my mom if she tells me to go clean my room.”
While most 17-year-olds might content themselves with getting drunk and making regrettable decisions, Green has instead set the bar impossibly high for his generation, leaving his peers feeling intimidated, envious, and a little bit resentful. And if that’s not the true sign of a prodigy, I don’t know what is.
