Florida Man Discovers Dangerous Surprise During Morning Walk
A typical morning walk with his dogs turned into a heart-pumping adventure for Florida resident, Stanley Johnson. Johnson was out with his furry friends when he spotted what he believed to be a harmless garden hose on the sidewalk. But as he got closer, the hose began to move and revealed a horrifying surprise – a ball python.
Now, for those who may not know, a ball python is a type of nonvenomous snake. However, Johnson was not taking any chances. In a panic, he ran back to his house to grab his machete. That’s right, a machete. Apparently, Johnson has seen one too many action movies and felt the need to take matters into his own hands.
With weapon in hand, Johnson returned to the scene of the reptilian crime. He then proceeded to wildly hack at the snake like he was auditioning for an episode of “Survivor”. Onlookers were stunned as Johnson unleashed a flurry of machete strikes onto the helpless python.
As if this story couldn’t get any more insane, Johnson revealed that the entire time he was hacking away, the snake was doing what any normal, rational being would do – it was coiling up into a defensive ball. It wasn’t attacking or making any sudden moves. But, hey, who needs logic and reason when you have a machete, right?
Of course, the local authorities had to be called to the scene. The panicked Johnson was screaming into his phone, “There’s a snake! It’s huge! It’s coming to get me!” Much to Johnson’s surprise, the responding officers were not impressed by his impromptu snake slaying. In fact, they quickly educated him about the fact that ball pythons are not a threat to humans and are often kept as pets. Johnson’s response? “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”
In the end, the ball python was captured and taken to a local animal rescue, where it will hopefully find a more peaceful home. As for Johnson, he has become somewhat of a local celebrity, with many people in the community referring to him as “Snake Slayer”. He has even been approached by several Hollywood producers about turning his story into a major motion picture.
So there you have it, folks. Just another day in the life of a Florida Man. Remember, if you ever come across a harmless snake, don’t hesitate to grab your trusty machete and go to town. Because in Florida, you never know what kind of dangers you may encounter on your morning walk.
