Historic Artifact Goes Missing from Louisville’s Scenic Riverfront
In a shocking development along the Ohio River, it seems that the Abraham Lincoln’s top hat has gone missing from a bronze sculpture in Louisville.
The sculpture, which features the nation’s 16th President seated in a contemplative pose, has been a favorite of tourists and locals alike since its installation in 2009. But now, thanks to an unknown thief, visitors will be robbed of the chance to see Lincoln’s iconic hat for themselves.
The brazen act is sure to have law enforcement officials scratching their heads. After all, what kind of criminal would be audacious enough to steal a piece of public art right off the statue’s head?
Some speculate that the heist may be part of a larger conspiracy. Could there be a group out there who seeks to deprive our nation of its storied history? Is there an underground market for stolen memorabilia from our nation’s most beloved leaders?
One thing’s for sure – whoever did this must have had a real problem with Lincoln’s fashion sense. That top hat was a hallmark of his signature look. Without it, he’s just a guy in a suit. And let’s face it, suits are a dime a dozen.
Of course, there are those who might argue that the theft of the hat is itself a form of performance art – a statement about the fleeting nature of fame and the impermanence of our cultural touchstones. But those people are probably just trying to sound smart.
For the rest of us, the theft of Lincoln’s top hat is just plain wrong. It’s a violation of our collective heritage, and an act of disrespect towards one of our nation’s greatest leaders.
So if you happen to see someone walking around with a Lincoln hat perched on their noggin, please contact the authorities. And if you happen to be the thief yourself, we have just one thing to say to you: put the hat back where you found it. The people of Louisville – and indeed, the entire nation – deserve to see that statue complete once more.
Until then, the streets of Louisville will be a little bit emptier, a little bit less colorful, and a little bit less truly American. We can only hope that one day, the hat will be returned to its rightful place atop Honest Abe’s head, where it belongs.
