Denver, Colorado – The Denver Zoo has finally solved the mystery behind their orangutan paternity dilemma. And you’ll never guess who they called in to help – none other than America’s favorite daytime talk show host and expert in DNA testing, Maury Povich.
For weeks, the zoo kept the public in suspense as to which male orangutan fathered the newest addition to their primate family. The preferred method of paternity testing for orangutans is by fecal sample, which can be a messy and time-consuming endeavor. So, like any good reality TV show, they brought in Maury to make it more interesting.
After collecting DNA samples from each of the three male orangutans in the exhibit, the samples were sent off to the lab for testing. The results came back and, drumroll please, the father is… Chongo!
Yes, Chongo, the bad boy of the orangutan exhibit, is now a father. His charming personality and rugged good looks were too much for the female orangutan, Nias, to resist. The other two males, Sureya and Yopi, were devastated to find out they weren’t the father. Sureya was quoted saying, “I really thought it was gonna be me. I even bought little baby orangutan clothes.”
The staff at the zoo was thrilled to finally have the answer to the paternity question. Head zookeeper, Sarah Johnson, said, “We’re so glad Maury could help us out with this. It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions for us and the orangutans.”
Maury, who is no stranger to revealing paternity test results on his show, was pleased to lend his expertise to the zoo. He even brought along his trusty lie detector machine just in case any of the orangutans were trying to deceive him.
The celebration at the zoo was short-lived, however, as rumors began to swirl about Nias’ infidelity. Many are questioning whether Chongo is truly the father or if Nias was just looking for a little excitement in her otherwise mundane orangutan life.
When asked for comment, Nias just sat in her tree, munching on some leaves, and refused to make eye contact.
But the zoo is standing by their paternity test results and insisting that Chongo is the daddy. Johnson added, “We’re just happy it’s over and we can move on. Now, we can focus on raising this adorable baby orangutan and planning for future additions to our primate family.”
As for Maury, he’s already received offers from other zoos to help with their paternity problems. It seems his expertise is in high demand in the animal world.
In the end, we can all be thankful for Maury’s contribution to science and the animal kingdom. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll see a Maury Povich Zoo Expedition show, where he travels the world solving paternity mysteries for all types of animals. We can only hope.
