Passionate man from Texas breaks world record by running a full marathon in his football uniform
In some news that will make marathon runners across the world want to quit, one man has achieved the unimaginable by running the 26.2 miles in an excessive and unnecessary full football uniform, complete with helmet and pads.
The man, who was not available to comment as he was too busy applying ice packs to his various chafing injuries, broke the world record for the slowest time ever recorded in a marathon by completing it in just under seven hours.
The football fan, who allegedly supports a team that hasn’t made a Super Bowl since the days when dial-up internet was a thing, set out to prove his undying loyalty to his team by completing a task that no one had asked him to do.
According to sources, the runner refused to take off his helmet during the marathon because he was “in it for the long haul” and didn’t want to miss out on any subtle nods of support from his fellow fans in attendance.
He did, however, stop at every aid station where he would aggressively shake his water bottle, causing it to spill all over his uniform, and then throw the empty bottle violently across the station before running off without a thank you.
The man’s decision to run in a full uniform also cost him dearly in terms of time. Every few hundred meters, the runner had to stop and re-tie his shoelaces, because clearly, his $200 cleats weren’t sufficient enough to run 26.2 miles in.
When asked about his decision to run in full uniform, the runner simply replied, “I’m a true fan, and sometimes that means sacrificing your own physical well-being to show your loyalty. Plus, have you seen how good I look in this uniform?”
The runner was reportedly followed throughout the marathon by a group of perplexed and amused runners, who couldn’t believe what they were seeing.
One runner commented, “I mean, we all love our football teams, but this guy took it a bit too far. I just hope he doesn’t get his uniform dry cleaned too soon, because it still has that authentic marathon smell.”
Despite the ridicule and confusion he received from his fellow runners, the Texas man remained unfazed, and crossed the finish line with his arms raised high in victory, which is impressive considering the amount of extra weight he was carrying with all of that football gear.
In conclusion, the marathon running community may never fully understand this man’s decision to run in a full football uniform, but we have to admire his dedication, enthusiasm, and complete disregard for the opinions of others. Congratulations to the new record holder – your memory will go down in history.
