Washington, D.C. – In a stunning turn of events, the authorities in Washington have discovered that the human remains that were reported in a cave on the river, were actually nothing more than a mere plastic beer bong. The discovery was made earlier this week, and has undoubtedly left everyone scratching their heads.
“This is truly a shocking discovery,” said one official. “We put in so much time and effort trying to investigate this case, only to find out that it was nothing but a beer bong. It makes you wonder what else people might be reporting these days.”
The initial report was made by a group of hikers who were exploring the area. They claimed to have found a skull that looked like a human skull in a nearby cave. However, upon closer inspection, authorities found that the “skull” was actually a plastic beer bong that had been discarded by some party-goers.
“Frankly, it’s hard to tell the difference between a human skull and a beer bong,” said another official. “They both have holes in them, after all.”
While the case may be closed, many are left wondering why someone would leave a plastic beer bong in a cave in the first place. Some have speculated that it may have been part of a college prank or a wild party that went too far.
“It’s a sad state of affairs when people can’t even enjoy a good beer bong without someone alerting the authorities,” said one local resident. “I mean, where’s the fun in that?”
The incident has caused concern among law enforcement officials, who worry that this may be the start of a trend. They fear that people may start reporting fake remains and other false sightings just for kicks.
“We’re already stretched thin as it is,” said one officer. “The last thing we need is a bunch of pranksters wasting our time with fake reports. It’s dangerous and unnecessary.”
While the investigation may have been a bust, authorities are nonetheless relieved that no actual human remains were found. They say that it’s always better to be safe than sorry, and that they will continue to investigate any reports of suspicious activity.
In the meantime, residents are urged to be on the lookout for anything that seems out of the ordinary. Whether it’s a plastic beer bong or a real human skull, authorities say that every report must be taken seriously.
“It’s all about being vigilant and aware of your surroundings,” said one local official. “You never know what you might come across out there in the wilderness.”
