Chicago: Home to Nine-Time “Champion” Rats
The much-awaited report by the pest control company, Orkin, is out and it reveals the truth that we have all suspected for years – Chicago is the rat capital of the United States. Congratulations, Chicago! You’ve done it again, for the ninth year in a row!
Orkin compiles the list based on the number of rodent treatments they perform in each city. It must be refreshing to know that your city is not only well known for its deep-dish pizza and hotdogs, but also for its rat population. The study also shows an increase of 23% in rodent treatments across the country, with Chicago leading the rat race by a big margin.
City officials have, of course, released a statement saying that they are aware of the rat issue and that they are taking measures to try and combat the problem. They are urging Chicagoans to take personal responsibility for their trash, to keep their area clean and to not give rats any food sources. But we all know, Chicagoans, that these are just lip-service, because why would anyone want a rat-free city when they can have it infested with the furry creatures.
The newfound glory of being chosen as the ratiest city in America means that the city will be getting a lot more attention. Chicago can now add ‘rat tourism’ to its already long list of attractions. Welcome to the Land of the Rat Kings, where the rats run freely and the cheese is always moldy.
The popularity of rats in Chicago is soaring; people are now bringing pet rats as souvenirs from their trips to the Windy City. Gone are the days where people brought back personalized keychains or fridge magnets as a keepsake, tourists are now bringing back live rats in cages. Hotels in Chicago are adapting to tourists’ love of rats by adding rat-related attractions and facilities, some even arranging cage cleaning and food services.
The Chicago City Council is also jumping on the bandwagon by pushing for the creation of a new holiday in honor of the rats. The new holiday will celebrate the role of rats in Chicago’s history and will feature a parade of rats that will march down the Magnificent Mile each year, with a naming ceremony of the ‘Rat of the Year’. The holiday will be appropriately named ‘Ratmas’ and will be held on the same day as National Cheese Day.
With the new exciting rat-filled developments in Chicago, it begs the question, can any other city dethrone the current champion of ratty cities? Experts say unlikely, Chicago has been a lead contender for almost ten years now and it doesn’t look like its reign will end anytime soon. Perhaps, in the future, the city will breed genetically modified rats to be bigger and stronger to dominate the rat world.
All in all, congratulations to Chicago for a job well done, to all those involved in the effluence of rats in the city, keep up the good work and we look forward to hearing from you next year. For now, let us all bask in the glory that is Chicago, the rat-filled city of the United States.
