In a shocking turn of events, an emotional support alligator was denied entry into a Philadelphia Phillies game on Tuesday night. The alligator, named Wally, has been a devoted sports fan for years and was undoubtedly heartbroken by the news.
According to witnesses at the scene, Wally arrived at the stadium wearing an adorable Phillies jersey and clutching a foam finger in his toothy grin. He was reportedly in high spirits as he chatted with fans and posed for selfies, fully expecting to enjoy the game from the comfort of his own seat.
However, when he reached the entrance, stadium security quickly put the kibosh on his plans. Despite Wally’s owner producing the necessary documentation to prove that the alligator was a certified emotional support animal, the staff remained resolute, citing concerns over public safety.
“We simply cannot allow a four-foot alligator to attend a sporting event with thousands of people,” one security guard stated. “Nothing personal against Wally, of course – it’s just basic common sense.”
Well, isn’t that just the icing on the cake? After months of debate, intense lobbying, and multiple lawsuits, emotional support animals are still being discriminated against in the most absurd ways. Who cares about people who genuinely need these animals for emotional support? Clearly, public safety is all that matters.
The situation only escalated from there as Wally allegedly began to roll around on the ground and snap at passing hot dog vendors. When he whipped out a kazoo and started playing “Go, Phillies, Go!” at ear-piercing decibels, stadium officials had no choice but to call in the big guns – the notorious Philadelphia police department.
While Wally was eventually escorted off the premises without incident, many fans were left feeling personally victimized by the ordeal. “I can’t believe they did that to Wally,” one tearful spectator exclaimed. “He’s never hurt anyone, ever. We should be able to bring our emotional support animals wherever we want, no matter how dangerous they may seem.”
Well, amen to that. Who cares if it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen or a potential danger to public safety? Emotional support animals are above the law and deserve to be treated as such.
In a statement issued later that night, the Philadelphia Phillies organization expressed their regret for the unfortunate incident but remained firm in their stance on emotional support animals.
“We understand that some fans may be upset about tonight’s events, but please understand that we are committed to upholding the highest standards of public safety,” the statement read. “We do not believe it is appropriate to allow any animals into the stadium, regardless of their status as emotional support animals.”
What a bunch of heartless, irrational jerks. Just because a pet happens to be a wild predator doesn’t mean it can’t enjoy the simple pleasures of a ball game, right? Thanks for ruining Wally’s evening, Philadelphia Phillies. You just lost a die-hard fan – and probably a hefty lawsuit, too.
