In the latest edition of “Everything is bigger in Texas,” a woman in Houston found herself face to face with a gigantic obstacle blocking her car in a parking lot. But it wasn’t a lost cowboy or a pesky tumbleweed. No, it was an escaped snake.
This wasn’t just any ordinary snake, mind you. Oh no. This serpent was larger than the state itself (or so it seemed to the terrified woman). Eyewitnesses reported that the snake was so big that it could have swallowed a whole herd of cattle in one gulp. Okay, maybe we’re exaggerating a bit, but it was still pretty darn big.
The woman, who wisely chose to remain anonymous in the face of such a daunting challenge, recounted the harrowing experience to local reporters. “I was just minding my own business, trying to get in my car and get home,” she said. “That’s when I saw it. This massive snake was blocking my path, and I didn’t know what to do. I mean, who carries anti-venom in their purse, am I right?”
The snake, which had apparently escaped from a nearby zoo or snake farm (because Texas has those), had no intentions of moving anytime soon. It was content to bask in the warm Texas sun and maybe nibble on a stray armadillo or two. The woman, however, was not content to wait around for nature to take its course.
“I tried honking my horn to scare it off, but it just looked at me like I was an annoying mosquito,” she said. “I even tried calling animal control, but they were closed for the day. So, I did what any self-respecting Texan would do in this situation.”
That’s right, folks. She took matters into her own hands (or rather, her own car). With nerves of steel and a lead foot, she revved up her engine and charged straight towards the snake. And you know what? It worked. The snake slithered away (probably laughing its snake butt off) and the woman was able to make her escape.
The incident caused quite a stir in the parking lot, with onlookers snapping photos and shouting words of encouragement (or maybe just yelling, “Run, lady, run!”). It also sparked a debate about the dangers of keeping exotic pets and the importance of proper enclosures.
But let’s be real here. The real moral of the story is that Texans are not to be messed with. We don’t cower in the face of giant snakes (or anything else, for that matter). We take action. We drive SUVs. We wear hats. We drink Dr Pepper. And we don’t let anything stand between us and getting home in time for the big game.
So, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, just remember: WWTD (What Would Texas Do?). And if that doesn’t work, you can always try the horn honking thing.
