Florida authorities are warning residents to be on high alert after a daring and dangerous wildlife encounter took place last night in a residential neighborhood. A three-legged bear reportedly broke into a family’s enclosed porch and raided their fridge, stealing not one, not two, but three White Claws.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said the homeowner, who wished to remain anonymous. “I mean, first of all, we have a three-legged bear roaming around our neighborhood? And secondly, he stole our White Claws. We were going to have those for our weekend barbecue!”
The bear apparently entered the porch by tearing a hole in the screen and then pushing the door open with his one good paw. Once inside, he made a beeline for the fridge, which the family had foolishly left stocked with refreshing alcoholic beverages.
“He clearly knew what he was looking for,” said the homeowner. “He bypassed the food and went straight for the White Claws. I guess bears are all about that low-carb life these days.”
The bear proceeded to pop open three White Claws with his teeth and gulp them down, one by one, before making his escape.
“He definitely seemed to be enjoying himself,” said the homeowner. “I almost felt bad taking the rest of them back from him, but they’re expensive, you know?”
Officials are now urging residents to be vigilant about securing their porches and outdoor living spaces, as this bear is clearly willing to stop at nothing to get his paws on some delicious White Claws.
“We take these wildlife incidents very seriously,” said a spokesperson for the local wildlife management agency. “This bear is a dangerous criminal who needs to be brought to justice. We are currently conducting an investigation and will use all available resources to bring the perpetrator to justice.”
In the meantime, the homeowner has been forced to install additional security measures on their porch, including steel bars and a tripwire with a loud alarm.
“I guess we’ll have to go back to drinking beer,” said the homeowner. “I mean, it’s not as refreshing, but at least we won’t have to worry about a three-legged beer thief breaking in again.”
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story, and be sure to keep your White Claws under lock and key. You never know when a devious three-legged bear might come knocking.
