New York comedian breaks doughnut-stacking world record
In a world where accomplishments in mathematics, science and medicine are glorified, a true hero has emerged- a New York comedian who has broken the world record for stacking donuts. Move over Einstein and you heroic cancer researchers, we have a new champion in town, and he’s stacking donuts!
Taking the record-breaking stunt to new heights, the comedian, whose name shall not be mentioned for fear of making him too famous, stacked a total of 16 donuts on top of each other without any of them collapsing. The previous record, held by a circus performer, stood at a measly 15.
“I’ve been practicing for this for months,” said the comedian, with tears in his eyes. “I had to learn how to balance them just right, how to handle the weight and how to ignore the incredible sugar rush. But it was all worth it- I’m now a world record holder!”
The man’s achievement was met with sheer excitement and awe as people from all walks of life stopped to marvel at this incredible feat. “Finally, someone has shown the world what a true accomplishment looks like,” said controversial political commentator Bill O’Reilly, an admirer of the comedian.
In light of his new title, the comedian has apparently received multiple offers from famous donut shops to become their spokesperson, as if donuts really needed more marketing. He’s also rumored to have started offering stacking classes in his free time, charging people a fee for the privilege of watching him stack donuts like a professional.
Donut shops have been quick to take advantage of the man’s newfound celebrity, with one shop in Brooklyn reportedly releasing a commemorative donut celebrating his victory, which comes complete with a tiny certificate stating, ‘I Stacked It Like A Champion’.
This new donut-stacking superstar has captured the hearts of millions, and who can blame them? With the state of the world being what it is today, this remarkable achievement has reminded us that we should all be striving to do the little things in life that are more interesting than people trying to make the world a better place. Maybe, just maybe, there’s hope for all of us yet.
So congratulations, world record holding comedian guy. Now if only he can become the next President of the United States, we’ll all know we’re in good hands.
