Sayreville, NJ- In a shocking turn of events, the notorious electric grid outage on August 12th was not caused by a squirrel, for once. Nope, this time it was due to an unlikely culprit- a fish. Yes, folks, this is not a drill. A fish.
According to the Sayreville police, investigations show a fish was found on a transformer after the incident. And the plot thickens, folks. They believe a bird dropped it there. My question to the bird is, why not just leave it in the ocean where it belongs? Oh, wait, I get it. The bird must have had a personal vendetta against the transformer. Clearly, it’s the only logical explanation.
Even though squirrels are usually the ones to blame for these sorts of incidents, they are reportedly relieved that it wasn’t them this time. In a statement released to our news team, a squirrel spokesperson said, “We’re glad that we finally don’t have to take the blame for an outage. It’s always nice to pass the buck, or in this case, the fish.” Way to deflect responsibility, guys. Classic.
But some people aren’t laughing. We spoke to one resident who was majorly affected by the outage. “I had to throw out all my food from my fridge, and it was expensive stuff. If I had known a fish was the culprit, I would have tried to salvage it, you know? Someone should be held accountable for this.” Yes, because clearly, it’s the bird’s fault again. Can’t trust those pesky flying rats, can we?
Meanwhile, animal rights activists are outraged. PETA released a statement saying, “This is a tragic example of the consequences of humans’ destructive impact on the environment. Fish should be thriving in their natural habitat, not being used as missiles by birds. We demand justice for this poor fish.” Did anybody ask the fish how they feel about this? Seems like nobody cares about their perspective.
In conclusion, it’s a crazy world we live in. One minute you’re just swimming along, and the next thing you know, you’re the reason for a major city-wide blackout. This truly shows that anything can happen, and nobody is safe. Who knows what non-electric creature or item will be the next culprit? In the meantime, be safe and be on the lookout for suspicious birds with a chip on their shoulder.
