Local man, John Smith, has single-handedly proved that the age-old advice of “you’ve got to be in it to win it” is no longer relevant in today’s society. In fact, Smith has defied all logic by purchasing a measly 15 lottery tickets and managing to win the jackpot on every single one of them.
Sources close to Smith have reported that he had absolutely no strategy or insider knowledge of the lottery system, but instead just stumbled upon the lottery kiosk while on his way to return a pair of socks in the mall.
“I couldn’t believe it when I won the first one,” Smith recalled in an interview. “But then the second, third, and fourth wins just kept happening. It was like the universe was playing some sort of twisted joke on me.”
The total value of Smith’s winnings are estimated to be an eye-watering $800 million. When asked what he plans to do with his newfound wealth, Smith’s response was a simple “I don’t know, I’ll figure it out.”
However, reports have already surfaced of Smith investing a large portion of his winnings into building an army of robotic dogs that will roam his estate and protect him from unwanted intruders.
As for the lottery representatives themselves, they’re in a bit of a sticky situation. They have reportedly been left scratching their heads trying to figure out how one man could be so unimaginably lucky. Some have even joked that the lottery machines must have malfunctioned and only provided numbers that Smith had previously wished for when blowing out birthday candles as a child.
In a statement released to the press, the lottery company did confirm that they plan to thoroughly investigate the matter to ensure that everything was above board.
“We take every claim of a winner with the utmost scrutiny and care,” the statement read. “We are confident that Mr. Smith’s wins are legitimate, but we do want to assure our customers that the integrity of our lottery system is something we take very seriously.”
Meanwhile, Smith has reportedly been inundated with requests for interviews and endorsements from various companies. He has so far turned down all offers, stating that he just wants to take some time to adjust to his new millionaire status.
As for the rest of us mere mortals who have been playing the lottery for years with absolutely no luck, it seems that Smith’s miraculous wins have shattered any shred of hope we had left.
But who needs hope when you can just casually stumble upon 15 lottery jackpots? It’s almost too easy.
