Man oh man, aren’t we all just super impressed with this new world record?! The one-hour pushup record has been broken for the second time in a single month – can you believe it?! We as a society are truly reaching incredible heights of excellence.
The latest pushup prodigy is a twenty-five-year-old guy who goes by the name of Chad. Chad, who apparently had nothing better to do with his time, managed to complete a mind-boggling 2,806 pushups in just sixty minutes. The previous record was a paltry 2,682, set by some other poor sap who clearly didn’t dedicate their entire life to this meaningless feat of endurance.
Chad’s achievement has left us all wondering: when will the insanity stop? How many pushups can a person possibly do in an hour before their arms literally fall off? And while we’re at it, is there really any point to this at all?
According to Chad, this was a long-standing dream of his. You know, because setting a random world record is apparently a higher priority than contributing to society in any meaningful way. Perhaps Chad believes that the world is in desperate need of pushup superheroes, capable of pumping out hundreds of pushups in no time at all.
It’s hard to imagine what drives someone like Chad to push their body to the absolute limit in the name of pushups. Is it the fame? The glory? The adulation of strangers whose lives are so boring that they find themselves watching pushup record videos on YouTube?
Regardless of the motivation behind this madness, there’s no denying that Chad is truly a one-of-a-kind individual. And hey, if doing thousands of pushups in an hour makes him happy, who are we to judge? Although we will continue to do so, because that’s what we do best.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to attempt to set our own world records in equally useless activities. Who knows, maybe we’ll be the first person to eat an entire watermelon in under twenty seconds. Or maybe we’ll discover some other bizarre and pointless record to try and break.
Either way, we’ll be sure to let you know of our success. And we’ll eagerly await the next pushup record holder to come along and show Chad how it’s really done. Because clearly, we’ll all sleep better knowing that someone, somewhere, is capable of doing more pushups in an hour than anyone else in the whole wide world.
